Srsly, Facebook, you don’t have to reiterate over and over again that I try to get in touch with him again. Tch. Hahaha it’s just that every time I open Facebook today that’s what I see at the Reach Out corner. Him and to Write on his wall, send him a message, etc. Sigh. Not that I needed more reminders that we haven’t talked for a while now. 😦 I just don’t want to feel whatever attachment I have for him right now. I want to stop longing and yet I don’t want to give up the hope that he’ll come to his senses one of these days and clarify once and for all what’s up with us. Hrhrhr. Whatever. In all fairness, I’m coping well 🙂 As I’ve said so before, I just need a sign or declaration that would *force* me to move on and accept that things will never be what I want them to be. At some point and far from being a hypocrite, I must say that I’m okay. Yes, they say that that phrase is a girl’s top 1 lie, but then, generally I really am. Well, aside from the fact that I have been constantly dreaming about him which means that I am just pushing him far back to my subconscious, but still, at least I don’t mope around. Haha.
Yes, I still can remember the first moments and feel the butterflies. As cheesy as that seems. I guess it’s just that I haven’t felt that giddiness from a kiss in a long, long time. For him it’s when time stands still and we would be the only one in that place. Thus, I would unconsciously be singing Owl City’s “‘Cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly.” for the times spent apart. And the hug which without saying tells me that everything would eventually be alright and fall into their right places as long as we’re together. From Stitches and Burns to What Might Have Been to I Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore to The Show to I-Dunno-What-Now.
Ironically, during the months when we were forced apart has been the months when we were so close. Literally and figuratively. Friends and I were just laughing about that cruel day some months ago when I was literally bawling in tears not knowing what to feel and losing the energy to move forward. Given those circumstances I must say that even the hardest and painful sacrifice may not lead to a happy ending or at least your happy ending. Looking back, I can’t believe that it has been months ago when it all began. It feels really just like it was just the other day when we were all complete and together; when everything would go on because we believe that there’s strength in numbers. Sigh. I miss them. I miss the old group. I miss *us* (whatever that means). I miss him. I don’t go all out too emotional about the recent scenario but needless to say that I still miss him. 🙂