“I may need a break but I think what I badly need right now is a hug. I need yours.” is my current Facebook what’s on your mind update and one of my latest tweets. I have been avoiding confrontation with myself about what I am currently feeling. I am tired–physically and mentally. I want to go far, far and away and then here you are (in SMS presence and not actual) asking if you’re included in those plans. I answered with why not? Eventually, you have to sleep before me, ironically since I’m the one working LOL, and there goes my happy spirit dwindling away. I was asking for a good morning boost for tomorrow and you gave it tonight saying so that my motivation can start right now.
And there it is, I want to break down again–which I have been taking on as a habit recently because of too much stress. I realized that maybe I don’t really need to go away as I have been thinking of. Or maybe not as much as me wanting to see you again. Not as much as needing to feel your hug and missing your hand. I guess one way or another this stress isn’t just about work but about my life in general. I want you in it. I want to feel butterflies again and smile as if I’ve suck all the happiness around me.
I know we both need this space and I know this is good for us. I don’t have that crazy urge of demanding to see you because one way or another I feel peaceful that somehow things might already fall into their right places. But even if I had already accepted this situation I don’t think I could deny to myself any longer that I miss you. You don’t have to tell me that I do, because even if I try to push it away further into my mind, it still surfaces especially during the times when my happiness level is going low, low, low. I may miss you that much that even those four plain and simple letters that you send every time you want to get my attention is enough to let me sigh of relief indicating that there’s still happiness somewhere out there.
Old friends say that I may not react this way to my current situation if you were there; like how you were before. How your mere presence is enough to calm me down and turn my face upside down into a smile in an instant. I may have been crazy to let you affect me that much, but what can I do, it just happened. And right now, all I can do is to force myself to sleep even if I am dreading tomorrow because my pillow is the next best thing to hugging you.
So there, if you happen to come across this, I know you’re already smiling smugly thinking as if you’ve won because I miss you this much. But hey, I know you do too. 🙂
I miss you, sha la la la la… I miss you