November 24

I forgot that I typed something offline during this day.

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I’m alive and I’m barely breathing.

There are times when the rain and the chilly weather cannot make me happy. And that would be today. Well, I blame it on the hormones mostly and the lack of motivation and determination thereof. I don’t know what happened, why am I still stuck here? I remember myself six months ago, so eager to get out of this comfort and work my ass off again; six months to that I am still here.

I can smell some faint scent of stationary which I had when I was little as I am typing this—literally speaking. Who are you? I can’t remember the last time I sniffed that and who I remembered back then. I don’t recall any dead relatives liking those scented stationery. Or maybe this is just nostalgia haunting me.

I just watched, well, except for the last five minutes of it since the DVD decided to jump every five seconds of the scene, 500 days of Summer: Channel your misery to writing sympathy greetings cards; the best way to get over a girl is through literature. I’m not getting over someone or trying to. Except maybe my misery on how screwed up I let my life become.

Others envy my situation given its comfort and simplicity. I get to go to every gimmick and road trip my friends want me to go, provided it’s free, duh. I guess honestly it’s been good except for the fact that I don’t have the luxury to splurge and go shopping but all in all I get to go out.

I have several blog entries which I haven’t typed yet when I just feel like writing before shut eye but too lazy to go online. I don’t want to blog about happy stuff today also. Crazy. I don’t want to feel. I don’t want any emotion to surge through me. Duh. That’s some stupid line.

Recently, I’ve been visited by some parts of the past. I went along for some drinks with High School friends that included High School ex too. Not that it’s anything different since we go out before, but it was the first time again that I’m in a relationship. As expected, there was immature cajoling between drinks but manageable. Something I always point out that we are better off like that. Next would be the other ex’s friend. And as the cliché goes, life would always be full of surprises. I didn’t think of the day before that I could get along with this friend but I guess due to time and different scenarios, things changed which make things possible.

And as the emotional freak I sometimes get, relationship stuff creeps to my mind as I type this; but no, I will not mention anything. There’s always another blog entry for that. Sigh. These are just ramblings again hoping that before the laptop battery goes off, my mind has cleared somehow. Until now that stationary scent hasn’t diffused. I know it’s not my hair nor the fabric conditioner but something else.

Chuckling. Even if we don’t want to think about some stuff, they have a way of making their presence felt even if they are not aware of it—Nobody by the Wondergirls just started playing from the neighbor’s blasting stereo. Sigh. Yeah, I want nobody else but him.

This is what you call random, twisted, chaotic thinking. I was just blogging about me being jobless which ended to Nobody. LOL.

Coffee

When you’re told to blog about anything, what would be the first thing that comes to your mind?

Mine right now would be coffee. May it be the literal meaning or with some hidden meaning. I want coffee. Not hot and not cold. Not a frapuccino but a regular super sweet one. I love the smell of coffee. It’s bitter and yet sweet like life. Why do we want it? Well, for the main reason it keeps us awake and alert. Eyes dilated and every sense at it’s attention. But coffee only gives us a boost for only three hours they say. Better take an apple. Hmm. But there’s something addicting to that bitter-sweet taste of it. At some point I think again of how most of us live our lives. We drink it even if it’s hot and burns us. We jump into the unkown knowing it will hurt us in the end, but still our curiosity gets the best of us and still we jump. As the saying goes, take a risk because if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.

And this is how my mind is working right now. Coffee. I want coffee. Just because of a coffee urge I begin to associate it with life. We want it hot or cold, bitter and sweet depending on our moods. But at the end of the day there would just always be one perfect cup for us. Just one. One that can make any cup taste so bland and boring.

For my quick fix, Starbucks would always be on the top of my list.Is it anywhere near you? Check out where they are: store locator

I’m wanting a Javachip Frapuccino now.

070203 smiles

It’s nice to be away from home for a change. Really. It’s a great break! Haha. Though I had spent a great deal being so near the shopping areas. LOL I even bought a fish eye jelly lens that doesn’t seem to work. Grr..

1. Starbucks with Carmi and Karrie
2. Ice Age 3
3. New interview
4. More pictures
5. Jelly lens with fake fish eye effect. lols.
6. A good break from my “break”
7. Offline mode. Sometimes the net I think is stressing me out. LOL. Funny how it does that. But I had slept soooo soundly during my offline mode. No puyats!!
8. Sleeping early. Really.
9. The WOW boarding house/apartment that Carmi has there. Wow. Really wow. Everything’s in there. A real home away from home!! Really OMG. LOL.
10. Cookfest and Alfredo white sauce with Ging
11. Aircon weeee hahahaha
12. M&Ms
13. Peace and quiet..no boys, no nagging.
14. Realizations amidst the confusions on where I want to be.. Where nga ba? I know it’s here but… Sigh. At some point I have accepted that maybe things really don’t go the way we want them to be.
15. A break from mooning over him. Or have I really? Hmm.. Who is HIM?
16. Sun after the interview. For a change. A sign maybe? Hmm..
17. Cecilia Ahern’s words.

I was happy during our stay there. Kup and I had fun playing house haha.

Trains

No easy access on the net during our stay at the apartment last week. I chose to rest all night long and get acquainted with the TV again too. LOL

July 3, 2009

Almost three days and two nights in the city now. She remembers this life. Fast paced. Lighted by the countless vehicles and street lamps at night. Malls and coffee shops just around the corner. The satisfying yet expensice life. LOL. She fumbles for some change and gets a card for the first train. City life is like riding the MRT — fast, busy, full of people, irritating at certain points and just plain uni-directional at the fast tracks. A life one would certainly want more than half the time given the perks of her job.

And then she walks through the elegant mall, transitioning between trains. She again searches for coins while being awed by the other station. Classy. Quiet. Something that only reflects a tinted memory of having been there. Five minutes, says the digital reminder, til the next train arrives. Five minutes, waiting for her chance, her moment, her time. This station represents waiting. Waiting for your train. And if it arrives, you then decides if you’ll take that or wait for the next one. But if you let it pass that would be another five minutes lost just by standing there waiting. Five minutes that you can’t get back and rewind. And so she gets in. It’s different. The LRT2 train is slow. It’s taking it’s time. Maybe even too much time. But, it is relaxed. Just like the way one should live….

TBC…

I don’t know what I was actually thinking off when I wrote this..Hiiihii.. Metaphors and other representations. Hmmm.. Maybe I was in deep thoughts then of what I want to happen next.. To wait or to jump for the next train.