When it is nice…

It’s when you’re not in love with your male buddy and are on strictly platonic relationship with no plans whatsoever to change it in the future…

It’s when you smile for some strange reason upon waking up even though you’re not a morning person…

It’s when things aren’t going the way you want them to be and yet you feel peaceful…

It’s when you’re craving for something and suprisingly your mom brings them home at the end of the day…

It’s when you’re emotionally attached to someone and yet you find the guts to be less showy of how you really feel…

It’s when you suddenly find an online best friend, across the globe talking only during the few common waking up moments due to your inverted time zones and yet feel comforted…

It’s when the wind blows away your sadness even if the rain dampens your mood…

It’s when you don’t need to have dinner and still feel full…

It’s when you see the yellow bulb and tell you you’re not alone…

It’s when you go offline and live you real life and be more than happy…

It’s when you see your cousins after four years of being apart…

It’s when you mind knows the answer but your heart feels differently and when it hurts, you know you’re alive…it’s not that nice but at least it keeps your heart beating for something. Something stupid at some point, but then again….It’s still nice to feel…

It’s when you have the best girl friends you could ever wish for…

Things are still nice when you still find all these random reasons to smile.

Online drama

Late post again…

July 8, 2009

Adik sa’yo…awit sa akin…

And so the song keeps playing on my mind. Funny series. And now my mind becomes blank. I have an interview again tomorrow. And today I also saw a job posting from IRRI. My heart skipped. It’s IRRI even if it’s here. If I get a job offer there I wouldn’t be hesitating to accept it. Sigh. With great hopes of course that Carmi and Tito and Tita would understand. But no use worrying about that now hahaha as I haven’t even applied. LOL

….Mine said he missed me. There goes that line to sure to soften me. Garr.. We weren’t in speaking terms since the other day. LOLs. Committed the biggest blunder guys would do. LOL. Well, maybe not the biggest but synonymous to that at least, since it didn’t happen face to face AND hindi naman kami. LOL. But still, a big ego blow for me to be called by an endearment used for another. Fine ang babaw. But..Hmf. LOLz. Then Arvin points out again na hindi nga naman kami at chat lang yon and nagkamali lang thus “lol” was just his answer when I asked for his opinion. Fine. But I was upset. Hmmmm.

But then again, all’s been said and done. No use crying over spilled milk and all those cliché. And this is just online drama Sigh…. all I gotta do is to disconnect and poof real life continues. They may just even be fictional characters in my life. Sad to say. There are some things that can’t be real. Even if you wish them to be…….

Some people might really just remain a yellow bulb in your messenger list which you only get to talk to when you connect to the big tangles of the world-wide web.

akward or annoyed

I didn’t get the job. Tch. Sad. Oh well I guess not for me then. Sigh.

I’m thinking now if I am guilty of hurting someone again. But then I get annoyed. I don’t think so. I will try not to disappear, that is if I don’t get too annoyed. sigh. Sorry. But tch.

There are things you hope for, there are things you’d patiently wait for and save for so that you can have it in the end. And there are also people you long for, and people you really wait for, either to come or comeback.

But as there are these people, there are also those you seemingly wait for. I never thought I’d get tired of waiting because I am really a patient person, stupid at times when it comes to this stuff. But I did. Ging told me I woke up. That big edge to signal or push you and tell you that it’s really worth waiting for disappeared  I guess.

I need attention. I want attention. Immature and KSP. LOL. And maybe that was the trigger factor. Someone gave it to me. Someone else even if that someone doesn’t mean anything more but an online buddy. But he did care enough to make me smile and entertain my plain thoughts.

And so here we are again. Just like last year. They say, things that happened once may not happen again but things that happened twice will surely happen the third time. So I guess suffice to say this is it.  Just like last year, where we are again. A choice between being akward or being annoyed. And unconsciously, I chose the latter.

As they say, people don’t really leave, their roles just changed.

Hmm.. next goal. Keep the heart chained for the meantime.

Pokerfaced emoticon

I usually have good self-control. Well, except when we’re talking about love and the like. Tch. I think I badly need to learn control now. Sigh. I always get stupid and do crazy actions when I get so high. Waahh.. I know there’s no cure for stupidity on love but…. I just love love. LOL.

So much for that. I read a forwarded text earlier.. something about when you step back it’s not that you’re accepting defeat but… LOLs I suddenly forgot what’s next to that. Hmmm.. I guess stepping back doesn’t mean you’re backing out or you’re scared but it’s allowing yourself to slow down, take one step at a time, realize that you’re feeling to fast, going to fast and then next thing you know, you’re falling too fast. It’s the ability to see the big picture as they say. Then maybe you will see that it’s not what it’s cracked up to be. It’s not really what you thought it to be.

I get giddy to fast. I get happy to fast. That’s one of the things at times I get annoyed at. Coz it seems like, since I get happy easily, I get hurt more easy too. Sigh. I guess that’s where expectations spring from. You become too happy that you expect things to go smoothly and most often than not, it doesn’t.

The sunset can’t always be yours. You just get a moment to enjoy it. Because the next day is really another day. This sunset or sunrise could just be captured for this day. The view tomorrow is different. The people around would be different. The clouds may not be there today and tomorrow it can be. The sky can paint you a lousy picture today but would give you gladness tomorrow.

Sigh. I don’t even know what I’m getting at now. All I know is that I need not be too happy. Poker face. I need to learn to do a poker face. Wahhh.. Literally, I have a hard time doing that since I’ve even been noted as a big smiley emoticon. So how can I do the poker emoticon?? LOLs.

But I know I have to. There are moments you don’t have the right to react. No right to show you’re angry or irritated because you’re not even on the hierarchy to give a damn comment.

Sigh. I need to sleep now. I don’t know where this would be going. LOL. Have to pray harder for this one job that I really want. Oh so help my God.

in the midst of swine flu. lol.

Due to my Facebook post earlier: hindi ako mataray. sumasagot lang ako. most of the time it’s not about you. lols. this blog came about.

I’m not mataray. I think most of the time I am. Hahaha.

Funny how just by acquiring some colds and headaches you wake up feeling better the day after and then fully awake. Awake with the rational thoughts you once had. Done with the illusions and you remember why you didn’t want it before. And why now shouldn’t be anything different.

He’s different from you. Yes, they say opposites attract but at some point you’re both the say emotionally which is very unpleasant with it becomes the low tides. Too much emotions. Too much drama. It’s sickening. And that’s when you remember why it wouldn’t work. And why you wouldn’t want it again. Well, it’s not really wouldn’t like it but the the elated and euphoric feeling you thought you had suddenly burst.

And you’re left with the reality that you want something greater than you. Something who can keep you grounded, correct you, adore you, and simply accept all your flaws.

There are so many rules in the so called “in a relationship” status. None of them gets followed regularly. We make our own rules. And most of the time, we break them. We make promises at the spur of the moment but then at times have to break them.

What do you do when you promise someone you’ll kiss him when you meet? But then as time passes and chances too, when you can easily meet but didn’t exert that much effort, feelings also passes….how can one keep his promise that way?

It is crazy and immature to dwell on these things. Most of the time they make it all about themselves when in fact you’re just freakin’ sick! The heck. Can you just let me be for awhile??

And so the flu passes by. I got well. And so that my thoughts. Illusions disappear and real things and emotions face me.

I know people change. Maybe I’m sorry for changing, and yet again. Maybe I did hurt you once again. And hopefully, it wouldn’t happen again. You will grow up, and so will I. Then we can really know the spelling and definition of Friends.

Crappiness

I really should be typing this. It’s getting so long. Okay, I’m already doing so. lol.

I’m irritated for some reason today. But I know it’s about him. I hate that I’m liking him more than I should. Then again, maybe this is just like what it was with the other. Infatuation. The hype of the situation. Oh well. I know he spells trouble to start with since I usually end up being attracted to one. Sigh. But here I am, jumped onto the abyss of simple nothings. Hmmm. But maybe also it’s an eye opener for meof what kind of guy I really want. Someone witty, someone creative, and someone mature. Maybe I will meet someone like him I will meet someone like him in the future. Someone who wouldn’t have any other girl aside from me. LOL. Cheesyness!! Eeeks. WTF.

Whatever.