The Boy Friends

Girls know it’s essential to have a set of girl friends whom we go to for countless girl talks: for fashion and gossip; boys and men;  and to vent out all your life’s complaints and knowing they would comfort you in the end. It makes life so light and fun to have them, they are the sisters we never had.

On the other hand, even if we know life is easier when you have girl friends it is also wise to keep guy friends around. As girls we get bored and tired at times when we hear our friends’ ramblings about the same stuff over and over. For boys, since they are more on the practical, they won’t get tired as much, well as long as you have a round of beers during the talk. Haha. But seriously, I thank them for all the logical and emotionless advice that I need from time to time.

The Mirror-The Devil-The Angel

Luckily, I have these different types of boys as friends.

1. The Sweet Devil–the one who is closest to what can be the traits of a girl buddy. He listens with emotions and doesn’t give you the crap of telling you what you wanted to hear but what he thinks and feels you should do. He would be sweet because he would not want to see you droning and droning on the problem at hand when you both know it’s useless to give a damn about it. In short, he would be the one to tell you that you are better off and to just let go of the problem while you can.

2. The Agreeable Angel–the opposite of the devil, clearly. He would be the one whom you can expect to hear what you wanted to hear–that there is still hope and that you should just carry on. He, of course, would not want to see you hurting yourself to but he would be the one to support you with your mindless decisions that stems not from your logic but from your emotions. He will always be the one positive about whatever fucked up thing is happening.

3. The Mirror–this would be your boy version. The one who thinks like you do and feels like you do regarding problems of the heart and at times, life in general. He is the friend who speaks out what you really feel when you cannot find the courage to say it. He might even point out something that is just hidden in your subconscious since he thinks the same way. He would be the best one to ask for the “what would you do if you were in my shoes” advice. Simply saying, he would be the talking pensieve that you would need.

4. The Wonderwall–as the song implies, this would be the friend who saves you. He might be the combination of the Angel and the Devil and a little bit of a mirror. He would be the one who gives you the entire scenario in black and white. He would not push you to quit it or to hang on, but he would be the one bombarding you with questions that can make you think of what you are really thinking. He would be the one who gives you advice in the manner of letting you talk to yourself. A shrink, simply saying.

While I can categorize these boys in the manner of their problem-solving and handling capabilities, anyone of them can be counted on for a night of drinking session when you just have to drown yourself for a while with alcohol, green jokes, stupid conversations and an overall good time.

Load Credits

For several months I was so used at not having load everyday. When I was working in Alabang it was enough that I had some to text home that I’m on my way since I usually go home past 9pm and arrive around past 11pm here. I was amused as how my little brothers seem to just use up their load credits as if it was water–always needed. Xylon and I usually tell them that during our high school years load was really precious since there were not unlimited texting promos. LOL.

Anyway, well yeah, of course the main reason why I don’t care if I have load or not is because I don’t have that somebody to text with every minute of everyday unlike during the boyfriend times. Since I haven’t had a job for the past months people rarely expect me to respond to text messages haha.

I think I’m in a detox mode. Detoxification from all the complications that a heart-related matters bring about. It’s been two weeks I think that I haven’t been crushing or liking or loving anyone. LOL. Pretty short I know. For me between those days, after hearing that he has a girlfriend already and now relatively long enough that I have not been giddy over someone. I’m not the type who bounce from one guy to the next. I just bounce between crushes. So high schooly and immature I know but it being giddy at random parts of the day because of someone makes me happy. Haha. Tch. Immaturity attack. LOL.

Being the eldest with siblings way younger than me makes me so adaptable to people younger than me to people older I guess. This I believe is one of the reasons why my maturity level is still like them as well. Wahhaha. I don’t deny that I’m still immature; but I won’t say that I’m not mature at some aspects as well. We were raised to be so dependent and spoiled I think. Even thought we don’t have much, I feel that we are spoiled. Not brats though. We are spoiled in a way for me which means that we are so secure when at home. It’s like even if things are being cut short, money problems and all, there would always be time when we could splurge and get rewarded.

I’m rambling. Haha. This wasn’t what I was suppose to blog about but when words form in my mind, they just won’t stop. Thus, the ramblings and off topic statements. What I was just trying to point out is that my cell phone has been alive for the past days nonstop.

I think what I’m feeling right now again is security. I was mentioning about load because for the last two weeks as well, even if I lost him, I got close to another friend. And we’re at the state where we don’t care about what we tell each other; from gross stuff, serious, funny and at the moment stuff. Plain nothings that makes me want to have load all the time, because for as long as I can remember I begin to disconnect once again from the Internet. Something I have been trying sooo hard to do these past few months. Having an online-based love story would naturally have you want to go online all the time. But now, there’s no point. I find those stuff I do online less interesting. I’d rather watch some TV series and text all day again. It’s comforting this way. It’s just nice. It’s so freakin’ nice when you can have a purely platonic relationship with a guy knowing that he’s safe ground. Someone without any expectations, someone who’s not hoping for something else because he wants someone else. Just purely light, bubbly and stupid conversations each time.

I love chick flicks; simple and just feel good movies. This friendship that we got here is just like that–a feel good movie–no dramas involve. For that I thank him.

Unavoidable reasons

I lost him because of the most honest reason that he is younger. Younger, which would mean at some point less mature than me, more dramatic and more complicated. Thus, my mind got twisty and realized that it would never work out, that is even without trying. I hate those guys who just makes you like them and then disappears after you do. At times, I feel that I am like that. I enjoy too much of someone’s company that things happen. Love complicates friendship and when the love parts gets screwed up, frienship becomes forgotten.

I get teary after watching Grey’s Anatomy again, well, not surprising though. I teared up for this reason though it was far from what the episode was saying.  But still, it was about friends. I’m getting close to someone again for the reason that I enjoy talking to him. It makes me happy. No other reason aside from that; no linking it to a possible love or what. Hence, I get scared. Scared that things might happen again even if we have a different scenario. I know it’s crazy to even worry about it now when there’s no single strand of complication going on. But as my usual worry self, I think about what might be.

I hate losing friends because of weird feelings, awkward moments, and because of fights relating to these. =(

When it is nice…

It’s when you’re not in love with your male buddy and are on strictly platonic relationship with no plans whatsoever to change it in the future…

It’s when you smile for some strange reason upon waking up even though you’re not a morning person…

It’s when things aren’t going the way you want them to be and yet you feel peaceful…

It’s when you’re craving for something and suprisingly your mom brings them home at the end of the day…

It’s when you’re emotionally attached to someone and yet you find the guts to be less showy of how you really feel…

It’s when you suddenly find an online best friend, across the globe talking only during the few common waking up moments due to your inverted time zones and yet feel comforted…

It’s when the wind blows away your sadness even if the rain dampens your mood…

It’s when you don’t need to have dinner and still feel full…

It’s when you see the yellow bulb and tell you you’re not alone…

It’s when you go offline and live you real life and be more than happy…

It’s when you see your cousins after four years of being apart…

It’s when you mind knows the answer but your heart feels differently and when it hurts, you know you’re alive…it’s not that nice but at least it keeps your heart beating for something. Something stupid at some point, but then again….It’s still nice to feel…

It’s when you have the best girl friends you could ever wish for…

Things are still nice when you still find all these random reasons to smile.

in the midst of swine flu. lol.

Due to my Facebook post earlier: hindi ako mataray. sumasagot lang ako. most of the time it’s not about you. lols. this blog came about.

I’m not mataray. I think most of the time I am. Hahaha.

Funny how just by acquiring some colds and headaches you wake up feeling better the day after and then fully awake. Awake with the rational thoughts you once had. Done with the illusions and you remember why you didn’t want it before. And why now shouldn’t be anything different.

He’s different from you. Yes, they say opposites attract but at some point you’re both the say emotionally which is very unpleasant with it becomes the low tides. Too much emotions. Too much drama. It’s sickening. And that’s when you remember why it wouldn’t work. And why you wouldn’t want it again. Well, it’s not really wouldn’t like it but the the elated and euphoric feeling you thought you had suddenly burst.

And you’re left with the reality that you want something greater than you. Something who can keep you grounded, correct you, adore you, and simply accept all your flaws.

There are so many rules in the so called “in a relationship” status. None of them gets followed regularly. We make our own rules. And most of the time, we break them. We make promises at the spur of the moment but then at times have to break them.

What do you do when you promise someone you’ll kiss him when you meet? But then as time passes and chances too, when you can easily meet but didn’t exert that much effort, feelings also passes….how can one keep his promise that way?

It is crazy and immature to dwell on these things. Most of the time they make it all about themselves when in fact you’re just freakin’ sick! The heck. Can you just let me be for awhile??

And so the flu passes by. I got well. And so that my thoughts. Illusions disappear and real things and emotions face me.

I know people change. Maybe I’m sorry for changing, and yet again. Maybe I did hurt you once again. And hopefully, it wouldn’t happen again. You will grow up, and so will I. Then we can really know the spelling and definition of Friends.