November 24

I forgot that I typed something offline during this day.

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I’m alive and I’m barely breathing.

There are times when the rain and the chilly weather cannot make me happy. And that would be today. Well, I blame it on the hormones mostly and the lack of motivation and determination thereof. I don’t know what happened, why am I still stuck here? I remember myself six months ago, so eager to get out of this comfort and work my ass off again; six months to that I am still here.

I can smell some faint scent of stationary which I had when I was little as I am typing this—literally speaking. Who are you? I can’t remember the last time I sniffed that and who I remembered back then. I don’t recall any dead relatives liking those scented stationery. Or maybe this is just nostalgia haunting me.

I just watched, well, except for the last five minutes of it since the DVD decided to jump every five seconds of the scene, 500 days of Summer: Channel your misery to writing sympathy greetings cards; the best way to get over a girl is through literature. I’m not getting over someone or trying to. Except maybe my misery on how screwed up I let my life become.

Others envy my situation given its comfort and simplicity. I get to go to every gimmick and road trip my friends want me to go, provided it’s free, duh. I guess honestly it’s been good except for the fact that I don’t have the luxury to splurge and go shopping but all in all I get to go out.

I have several blog entries which I haven’t typed yet when I just feel like writing before shut eye but too lazy to go online. I don’t want to blog about happy stuff today also. Crazy. I don’t want to feel. I don’t want any emotion to surge through me. Duh. That’s some stupid line.

Recently, I’ve been visited by some parts of the past. I went along for some drinks with High School friends that included High School ex too. Not that it’s anything different since we go out before, but it was the first time again that I’m in a relationship. As expected, there was immature cajoling between drinks but manageable. Something I always point out that we are better off like that. Next would be the other ex’s friend. And as the cliché goes, life would always be full of surprises. I didn’t think of the day before that I could get along with this friend but I guess due to time and different scenarios, things changed which make things possible.

And as the emotional freak I sometimes get, relationship stuff creeps to my mind as I type this; but no, I will not mention anything. There’s always another blog entry for that. Sigh. These are just ramblings again hoping that before the laptop battery goes off, my mind has cleared somehow. Until now that stationary scent hasn’t diffused. I know it’s not my hair nor the fabric conditioner but something else.

Chuckling. Even if we don’t want to think about some stuff, they have a way of making their presence felt even if they are not aware of it—Nobody by the Wondergirls just started playing from the neighbor’s blasting stereo. Sigh. Yeah, I want nobody else but him.

This is what you call random, twisted, chaotic thinking. I was just blogging about me being jobless which ended to Nobody. LOL.

Load Credits

For several months I was so used at not having load everyday. When I was working in Alabang it was enough that I had some to text home that I’m on my way since I usually go home past 9pm and arrive around past 11pm here. I was amused as how my little brothers seem to just use up their load credits as if it was water–always needed. Xylon and I usually tell them that during our high school years load was really precious since there were not unlimited texting promos. LOL.

Anyway, well yeah, of course the main reason why I don’t care if I have load or not is because I don’t have that somebody to text with every minute of everyday unlike during the boyfriend times. Since I haven’t had a job for the past months people rarely expect me to respond to text messages haha.

I think I’m in a detox mode. Detoxification from all the complications that a heart-related matters bring about. It’s been two weeks I think that I haven’t been crushing or liking or loving anyone. LOL. Pretty short I know. For me between those days, after hearing that he has a girlfriend already and now relatively long enough that I have not been giddy over someone. I’m not the type who bounce from one guy to the next. I just bounce between crushes. So high schooly and immature I know but it being giddy at random parts of the day because of someone makes me happy. Haha. Tch. Immaturity attack. LOL.

Being the eldest with siblings way younger than me makes me so adaptable to people younger than me to people older I guess. This I believe is one of the reasons why my maturity level is still like them as well. Wahhaha. I don’t deny that I’m still immature; but I won’t say that I’m not mature at some aspects as well. We were raised to be so dependent and spoiled I think. Even thought we don’t have much, I feel that we are spoiled. Not brats though. We are spoiled in a way for me which means that we are so secure when at home. It’s like even if things are being cut short, money problems and all, there would always be time when we could splurge and get rewarded.

I’m rambling. Haha. This wasn’t what I was suppose to blog about but when words form in my mind, they just won’t stop. Thus, the ramblings and off topic statements. What I was just trying to point out is that my cell phone has been alive for the past days nonstop.

I think what I’m feeling right now again is security. I was mentioning about load because for the last two weeks as well, even if I lost him, I got close to another friend. And we’re at the state where we don’t care about what we tell each other; from gross stuff, serious, funny and at the moment stuff. Plain nothings that makes me want to have load all the time, because for as long as I can remember I begin to disconnect once again from the Internet. Something I have been trying sooo hard to do these past few months. Having an online-based love story would naturally have you want to go online all the time. But now, there’s no point. I find those stuff I do online less interesting. I’d rather watch some TV series and text all day again. It’s comforting this way. It’s just nice. It’s so freakin’ nice when you can have a purely platonic relationship with a guy knowing that he’s safe ground. Someone without any expectations, someone who’s not hoping for something else because he wants someone else. Just purely light, bubbly and stupid conversations each time.

I love chick flicks; simple and just feel good movies. This friendship that we got here is just like that–a feel good movie–no dramas involve. For that I thank him.

At the end of a happy day

Today, I had an orientation for a possible job which I declined and hopefully would not regret that; I met with Cliff, who just came home from Doha; had my favorite Starbucks combi: Javachip and Belgian Waffle; did a little bit of shopping with Carmi and Ezra; Was talking all day to Emomot; it was cold and breezy…in short it was a one fine day for me. For real. It felt nice to sleep on the bus even though I was dead tired and I was irritated still at my clogged ears. Tch.

And then I logged in to YM. And then I realized I missed something. Some friendship with someone I had been in constant communication with for the past year and then it went poof. Sigh. And I told him I missed him, for surely I do. But not surprisingly, he did not believe me. I don’t blame him.

It’s hard when friendship becomes weirded out because you thought the relationship could go on another level. And when it didn’t, things doesn’t go back to normal. Sigh. Oh well… Life…

But really.. I miss you.

The smaller pictures in life

Week 8/52: The smaller pictures
Originally uploaded by vwynx

It’s already July! *panic* Will be turning 24 in 2 weeks. *ohno0oes*

Has the year been good so far? I would say no, but then… there are things, incidents and people who came this year that made it better than crappy.

Sometimes all we see is the big picture. But if we look closely there’s so much more going on. Not all smiley faces are happy. And not all poker-faces are sad.

Here’s to capturing the best moments in our lives.
As Hitch said, “Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it’s the moments that take your breath away.”
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That was my post for today. Gasps and semi-hyperventilate. IT IS JULY. Oh no. Sigh. Shit. OMG. OMFG. Waaahhhh… I have been loitering around for already 4 freaking months!!! Sigh.

Oh crap. I forgot to continue blogging. I’m so sleepy now. Will be staying at the apartment for the next two days. Weee.. I really miss city life. Oh God.

2009 has been fun, sad, shitty, happy. It always has a twist. For every downturn, I know there’s a bright light that comes my way. For every mistake that I make, I think I still get the most of the moments. For every people who I hurt.. Sigh. Well that’s just negative. But there’s also people who smiles, laugh. I lost some chunks of experience for being outta work. But I gained more friends. Haha. How’s that for an excuse. Oh well, the life’s experience card has not limit. So, as always charge everything to experience. LOL.

I’m really sleepy now. So… and I’ve been having insomnia lately that my throat is freaking hurting always due to lack of sleep…as Mom said.

I smiled today because:

1. I was still able to pay my credit card bill which I was soooo avoiding to open for the past week. But..sigh. haha.

2. Loved my SP this week. Thanks to Kupo for helping with the shots..weee.. shot our dippy collabs for tomorrow also.

3. Plurk

4. What else did I do today? Haha. I dunno. I wanna sleep now. Hmmm.

5. Long emails….. :):) Or rather, brief emails that substitutes for lack of YM time. LOL.

6. I had ice coffee and cookies for dinner. But now I’m hungry. It’s 1:30am

7. I finally was able to pack my stuff. But I still have to pack my PSP, some books, and chargers.. Hmmm… No lappy for two days.. *whining* Huhuhuuh..

Now I sleep.

0621 smiles

It’s daddy’s day today weeee! happy dad’s day! Though he said it was more like Jiro’s day today here because of all the food which he enjoyed: we baked lasagna and had cookies and cream cake… sogbuuu!! Really yumyumyumy..

Thus, it was a one fine day really. Family time.

1. Oven time. Weee hahaha. I dunno baking always give me highs even if it’s food I’m cooking not cookies or any pastries. I wanna coook!!! And I love to eat. But weird thing is I never taste what I’m cooking during the process of cooking it. I dunno why. I just have my brothers taste it if it’s okay for them hehee.

2. I sooo like the quote for my Flickr upload today. “Someday I will find my Prince Charming but Daddy will always be my King.” So sweet..as sweet as the cake we had. Can’t really get enough of it haha. Thanks to Cliff for finding this

3. Emomot is back!! Wooo! Hahahaha. Double fun in plurk whenever that dude’s around. Silly things that keep Carmi and I entertained.

4. I love the Homily earlier. Haha. Touching story–father and son. Makes you realize how much love you have as a family. We might not have so much but I know love is something that we don’t have less.