November 18

I thought I should get around typing this. Happy times I would not want to forget.

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33 days. 33 days was when the guy in the movie Sassy Girl gave her a rose in front of all people at the auditorium, or was that 100 days? I can’t remember what’s the 33 days for. Or was that in Windstruck?? Anyway, crap that I didn’t see him today but it doesn’t matter because I was already giddy just by looking at our pictures. At some point, it is still scary how someone can make you peacefully happy–by peaceful I mean without worrying and be just like this. This also means I gave someone the power to hurt me and make me cry; but why worry about that now when I am this deliriously happy? In fairness, this giddiness had already subsided somehow. The other day when we met up after being apart during his birthday and the first month, I was almost skipping all the way home. And I know with that, I know I had really fallen in love. There goes the line, sealed with a kiss. Sigh. I am too easy. Hrhr.

First Day

I had dozens of words in my mind to write about him, us earlier, but then I spaced out. Smiling.

So before I forget and for tracking purposes, LOL, when they make that presentation on your wedding (and yes, I can imagine a future with him), I shall write about what happened during our first month:

October 15, he had two big exams which literally got him almost lifeless and beyond haggard. Note: number history, our birthdays are both on the 15th of the month and the first time ever we were introduced (which he didn’t remember me also; oh, he was introduced to us by Ckloy then during Feb Fair this year) was also the 15th. So anyway, I asked him to go grocery shopping with me then told him I’d accompany him to dinner. I think that was just our 4th or 5th time to go out together alone. I know, too fast.

Sidetrack. Another history, I don’t want to forget these stuff:

• 1st date, we never actually called them dates, just “labas tayo” thingies, I was the one who asked him (well, usually was the case from then on). It was a boring cold night then and we had some drinks at IC’s at around 10pm on a Saturday, September 12. I had Tequilla Sunrise, as usual, tried to drink 2 but ended up having him finish my 2nd glass. Song of the night then was I Gotta Feeling. Highlight was when I puked big time in front of PNB on the way home, claiming I was not used at walking home after drinking haha. First time and should be the last time to happen here in LB.
• 2nd date: Dairymoor–It was newly opened and we had crepes. and our first photo together haha.
• 3rd date: Dairymoor again–After dinner at Jollibee, we went there for drinks and crepe for me and pasta for me, and was just talking all night.
• 4th date: Not really much of a date, I just surprised him at Physci with KFC krushers since he was rushing some exercise to be submitted then we just walked around freedom park while drinking the shake.
• 5th date: Dinner at Max’s–the night I felt that I fell.

Beer Bubbles

So I guess that means we had less than a week to “date” out before we became a couple. We’ve been friends since May I guess which as the months gone by that time, we have been talking nonstop, online and through text. There would also be the scenario of plurk friends pushing you two together.  For our “first day,” we were together the whole afternoon walking around campus. Watching clouds and plainly talking under the heat of the sun. We had our first bus ride before his sembreak and had our first fight that night too. Haha. And this is sounding like a baby book full of firsts.

To sum it up, my memory can’t remember all details that’s why there is this thing called a blog:

• Family knows about him already. I told Mom I had a boyfriend through YM, was called a cradle-snatcher, said she thought he was a girl, then introduced him through Photosharing. Technology.
• I think I have gained a few pounds since we started going out. We’ve been to every fastfood chain around the campus.
• I got gummy bears as pasalubong one time.
• He surprised me at 10:30 in the evening when he came back from sembreak, when all day I was complaining that I missed him and thought I wouldn’t see him until the following week.
• I haven’t been out of phone credits since…July, I think? Since we started texting.
• As he may occasionally slept on me without saying good night, he never missed a good morning message even if that meant using his Mom’s phone to do so.

You're My Rainbow Skies

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Present day typing now. And so our first month was good, still high, excited and so into love. <3

The Boy Friends

Girls know it’s essential to have a set of girl friends whom we go to for countless girl talks: for fashion and gossip; boys and men;  and to vent out all your life’s complaints and knowing they would comfort you in the end. It makes life so light and fun to have them, they are the sisters we never had.

On the other hand, even if we know life is easier when you have girl friends it is also wise to keep guy friends around. As girls we get bored and tired at times when we hear our friends’ ramblings about the same stuff over and over. For boys, since they are more on the practical, they won’t get tired as much, well as long as you have a round of beers during the talk. Haha. But seriously, I thank them for all the logical and emotionless advice that I need from time to time.

The Mirror-The Devil-The Angel

Luckily, I have these different types of boys as friends.

1. The Sweet Devil–the one who is closest to what can be the traits of a girl buddy. He listens with emotions and doesn’t give you the crap of telling you what you wanted to hear but what he thinks and feels you should do. He would be sweet because he would not want to see you droning and droning on the problem at hand when you both know it’s useless to give a damn about it. In short, he would be the one to tell you that you are better off and to just let go of the problem while you can.

2. The Agreeable Angel–the opposite of the devil, clearly. He would be the one whom you can expect to hear what you wanted to hear–that there is still hope and that you should just carry on. He, of course, would not want to see you hurting yourself to but he would be the one to support you with your mindless decisions that stems not from your logic but from your emotions. He will always be the one positive about whatever fucked up thing is happening.

3. The Mirror–this would be your boy version. The one who thinks like you do and feels like you do regarding problems of the heart and at times, life in general. He is the friend who speaks out what you really feel when you cannot find the courage to say it. He might even point out something that is just hidden in your subconscious since he thinks the same way. He would be the best one to ask for the “what would you do if you were in my shoes” advice. Simply saying, he would be the talking pensieve that you would need.

4. The Wonderwall–as the song implies, this would be the friend who saves you. He might be the combination of the Angel and the Devil and a little bit of a mirror. He would be the one who gives you the entire scenario in black and white. He would not push you to quit it or to hang on, but he would be the one bombarding you with questions that can make you think of what you are really thinking. He would be the one who gives you advice in the manner of letting you talk to yourself. A shrink, simply saying.

While I can categorize these boys in the manner of their problem-solving and handling capabilities, anyone of them can be counted on for a night of drinking session when you just have to drown yourself for a while with alcohol, green jokes, stupid conversations and an overall good time.

Hakuna Matata

It means no worries for the rest of your days
It’s our problem-free philosophy
Hakuna Matata!

That was the sermon earlier, at least the part where the priest got my attention because he was making a joke. Well, not exactly hakuna matata but about worrying. Hmm, I guess this line sums up my week. I surprisingly did not have alcohol running through my veins since last Sunday. Wow. I was just watching DVDs and sleeping this week, huh? BOOOring. I forgot what I did hrhr. :p I got my hair done after so many months of just ignoring how messy it looked, which the boyfriend preferred over the straight one now

There are so many realizations this week too. I almost gave up; I gave in, I sighed, I did not cry (wow, yeah I was not that depressed this week too), I asked and maybe at some point regretted asking, I got an answer, I stayed, I waited, I smiled and understood. Things are (hoping for past tense with that verb) weird between us, I know that. Heck, every close friend I have knows that I guess. Dramz, dramz, dramz.

I gotta thank Globe SuperUnli150 for the never ending talks I had this week. Haha!

I was suppose to blog about something which lazy me forgot what it is, so now I’m sleeping.

Mall

Shopping always gives me instant euphoria haha. Well, even window shopping. Family went to mall for brothers’ Christmas party stuff: clothes LOL. We’re like that ever since haha even if we grew up and didn’t have parties anymore, it has been a tradition to get new clothes for Christmas.

For that, I had a good day, straight up. It’s been too long due to all this dramz. Hrhrhr. I wish I live near the mall like I used to. I’m dead tired and can’t think of anything anymore but to hug my pillow and hide under the covers.

I shall edit this tomorrow. Or not. Hahahaha.

Good night blog.

I’m the one who wants to be with you

To Be With You – Mr. Big
Hold on little girl
Show me what he’s done to you
Stand up little girl
A broken heart can’t be that bad
When it’s through, it’s through
Fate will twist the both of you
So come on baby come on over
Let me be the one to show you

I’m the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues
Just to be the next to be with you

Build up your confidence
So you can be on top for once
wake up who cares about
Little boys that talk too much
I’ve seen it all go down
Your game of love was all rained out
So come on baby, come on over
Let me be the one to hold you

Chorus

Why be alone when we can be together baby
You can make my life worthwhile
And I can make you start to smile

When it’s through, it’s through
Fate will twist the both of you
So come on baby come on over
Let me be the one to show you

Sex and the City Marathon

I just spent the day mostly on my bed watching Sex and the City series. Why oh why did I let this one pass during my college days when everyone else was watching it?? Hrhr. Then again, I wasn’t into this sex stuff until I had my first serious boyfriend then I wasn’t that open to talking about anything that got to do with it until I lived in the city.

My mood apparently was nonetheless stable today. I wasn’t sad nor was too happy. I was fine. All the prep talks and girl talks from the series makes me either think positively or just won’t let me think about me at all. But then despite the giddiness from watching it, I did my usual pause between episodes to Tumblr, Facebook, chat and the all the others; there I saw on my Facebook news feed, our faces–a post from him which would naturally mean I get to see my photo too as it was his profile picture. There came the shocking knot on my chest that goes with the thought, who am I kidding, I’m not okay. I’m just good at pretending that I am.

Now, I just finised an episode titled They Shoot Single People, Don’t They? And it hit me that I had to pause and talk to Karrie for awhile. Thus resulting to this make me smile segment. What is it with being in a relationship that just complicates things? We were just so fucking great when we didn’t have that label. At times like this I wish we were just normal friends, then maybe I would have felt it more. These are just my rants that should not be taken against me.

In that episode, Samatha said: “Sometimes you just need to hear a we.” Is this my case too? Am I holding on just because I want someone to call as my boyfriend? Someone automatic to text good morning and good night? Us..We.. My friend said that I’m just fooling myself, that after all these years I got on this label again that I can’t accept the fact that it’s not working. Is it? Am I just in this illusion that this would really work? Am I the only one left believing that we can still do this? Am I just faking it?

I love him. I do. But is that enough to wait for him to decide what he really wants? I know being in a relationship would mean more expectations and pressure but I think it would also mean more love than when you were in the friends stage. Oh well. I’m just rambling…..

“No matter how much it hurts, sometimes it’s better to be alone than fake it.” -Sex and the City, Season 2.

November 24

I forgot that I typed something offline during this day.

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I’m alive and I’m barely breathing.

There are times when the rain and the chilly weather cannot make me happy. And that would be today. Well, I blame it on the hormones mostly and the lack of motivation and determination thereof. I don’t know what happened, why am I still stuck here? I remember myself six months ago, so eager to get out of this comfort and work my ass off again; six months to that I am still here.

I can smell some faint scent of stationary which I had when I was little as I am typing this—literally speaking. Who are you? I can’t remember the last time I sniffed that and who I remembered back then. I don’t recall any dead relatives liking those scented stationery. Or maybe this is just nostalgia haunting me.

I just watched, well, except for the last five minutes of it since the DVD decided to jump every five seconds of the scene, 500 days of Summer: Channel your misery to writing sympathy greetings cards; the best way to get over a girl is through literature. I’m not getting over someone or trying to. Except maybe my misery on how screwed up I let my life become.

Others envy my situation given its comfort and simplicity. I get to go to every gimmick and road trip my friends want me to go, provided it’s free, duh. I guess honestly it’s been good except for the fact that I don’t have the luxury to splurge and go shopping but all in all I get to go out.

I have several blog entries which I haven’t typed yet when I just feel like writing before shut eye but too lazy to go online. I don’t want to blog about happy stuff today also. Crazy. I don’t want to feel. I don’t want any emotion to surge through me. Duh. That’s some stupid line.

Recently, I’ve been visited by some parts of the past. I went along for some drinks with High School friends that included High School ex too. Not that it’s anything different since we go out before, but it was the first time again that I’m in a relationship. As expected, there was immature cajoling between drinks but manageable. Something I always point out that we are better off like that. Next would be the other ex’s friend. And as the cliché goes, life would always be full of surprises. I didn’t think of the day before that I could get along with this friend but I guess due to time and different scenarios, things changed which make things possible.

And as the emotional freak I sometimes get, relationship stuff creeps to my mind as I type this; but no, I will not mention anything. There’s always another blog entry for that. Sigh. These are just ramblings again hoping that before the laptop battery goes off, my mind has cleared somehow. Until now that stationary scent hasn’t diffused. I know it’s not my hair nor the fabric conditioner but something else.

Chuckling. Even if we don’t want to think about some stuff, they have a way of making their presence felt even if they are not aware of it—Nobody by the Wondergirls just started playing from the neighbor’s blasting stereo. Sigh. Yeah, I want nobody else but him.

This is what you call random, twisted, chaotic thinking. I was just blogging about me being jobless which ended to Nobody. LOL.

Blogging

I haven’t blogged for around 2 months now, have I?!?! Tsk. I miss blogging. I have several “blog posts” scattered through whatever piece of paper I find on my bed. LOL. Why am I too lazy?!

Runaway Bride

I think I was the “runaway bride” syndrome. It’s like every time some friend would like me more than I like them I scramble and run off. The more I think about what happened between me and honeybunch before, the more I realized I how scared I am of really falling in love. Of giving it all and then losing it all. I guess it’s suffice to say my heart healed from the succession of aches it got that I have really not been able to open up as I thought I had.

Maybe the stupid Facebook quiz was right, that whenever I like someone my intentions and actions are so random that they are unclear. I know at some point or another Mine and I clicked. (Harhar for assumptions but WTH) And yet I held back.

And since I somehow know I cannot just give my all again, I’d always seem to choose the side wherein it’s me who gets hurt. Ugh. Sigh.

So what now?

Love is Complex

I just finished watching Management, Jen Aniston and..dunno the guy. Did not really like the movie, kinda dragging. I didn’t even realized that it was ending already. Anyway, the concept is there. When someone struck you big time, you can really go all out to chase that person even if it meant across the states. Love surprises you when and where it appears. Unusual places makes it exciting and crazy at the same time; but when it’s there, it’s there. Sigh.

Finished watching the anime Lovely Complex also earlier. Soooo nice. I just love it. It made me smile all day. Lovelovelove. The never ending discussion about it.

I was gonna say something else but I think I’m already dazed. Will just continue analyzing the movies tomorrow.